Would you like swearing with that? What it’s like to eat at Karen’s Diner

Well versed in the art of dealing with rude people, I went in with a strategy: to give a bit back, to niggle the waiters and to see how they liked it!
Well, that was the idea at least.

First we tested “Karen’s” tolerance by turning up late, my daughters going on ahead to keep our booking while we, the adults, lagged behind. Keep them waiting and put them on the “back foot.” That’s what I thought, then the text came in: if you don’t hurry up you can kiss goodbye to your booking. Game on!

When we arrived, our welcome was the cold shoulder. Waiters made rude faces behind our backs and in view of our companions. But two can play at this game. My next tactic was to take forever to choose my meal. In return the waitstaff disappeared as if never to return. OK, they had the upper hand, so I took the opportunity to watch them in action, to see what I was up against.

Karen’s wait crew don’t so much wait on tables as linger ominously. They strut around with a combination of broodiness and complete contempt for their “customers.” Menus are withheld, then flung in the direction of diners, meals are delivered to the wrong tables, orders taken with silence and attitude (and/or from the other side of the room), and clients insulted or brow-beaten. These are no ordinary hospitality workers, they are “Karens,” and very good at it.

When our waitress returned, she perched on the spare chair and signaled us to hurry up and order. This time I was ready to regain control. I asked for a menu that I could read, “one with larger and less blurry font, please waitress!” Well, here you need a language warning. “Are you f****** kidding?” she replied. “Use your f****** phone and zoom in, you f*****!” My daughters laughed and choked on their milkshakes.

I should have known then, that it was all over, that I couldn’t compete with a Karen. But I tried again, to regain control. I ordered one meal between two people, to share. “Are you f****** unemployed or something?”, said “Karen” with rolled eyes and mock-contempt. It was then that I knew that I was dealing with the best. When I replied “well, yes actually,” our waitress gave me a glint of simultaneous compassion and attitude, remaining in character as she walked off with our order.

The other waiters were also seamlessly surly, including what I call the “maitre de DJ MC,” a blonde “Karen” who engaged the audience in regular quiz sessions, intermittent announcements, and insults. My favourite: “We have another disgusting vegan in the restaurant!”

So how does it feel to be the recipient of Karen’s service? Quite liberating actually, that is if you can withstand the pastel decor (kind of like a psychedelic child’s tea party set-up installed in one day and magnified to real size – if you don’t like it I suggest you tell the manager).

At Karen’s, you don’t have to worry about asking to get some service, requesting an expedited meal before you die of hangriness, asking for more spaghetti because you can count the noodles on one hand, or receiving a bruschetta the size of a melba toast while having your pronunciation corrected – all things that happened to me. No, if you are unhappy, you can have your complaints listened to without pretension, and with a few bonus expletives thrown in. (There’s no spaghetti on the menu by the way, so maybe complain about the quantity of fries or onion rings instead, or, even better, use the onion rings as “reading glasses” and tell the waitress you still can’t read the b****** menu!)

Watching the wait staff is only part of the entertainment. I also enjoyed watching the diners’ reactions, especially the incredulous expression on some of the kids’ faces.

And the food? Not too shabby. If you’re not partial to burgers, chicken wings or hot dogs, you may find the menu limited, but there is always “Karen’s Leafy Bowl.” There are also desserts, cocktails, wine, beer, and Karen’s “Bit(s) on the side.”

And the final word is from the “cashier Karen.” On paying the bill I lingered momentarily, wondering if I could ask him for a smile or a bit of conversation, but before I could utter something, he provided the full stop of the evening, looking at the door and saying “GO!” And go you should!

More information: 

Karen’s Diner Sydney: World Square, Unit 6, Level 1/644 George St, Sydney NSW 2000 (check the website for more locations coming soon to a city near you)